He blurted out “i am actually only looking for sex friends”
And she turned at him.
It is crazy how quickly all those emotions and feelings for him bubbling inside her just a moment before, drained away. Gone without a trace.
Everything was hazy but she quickly stabilized herself. She sunk into a void that is so thick she became almost emotionless.
“I guess so too”. She said quietly.
“I’m really sorry. I know you were looking for a serious relationship but I can’t do that right now. It’s just too tiring”
“Yeah It’s okay”
“Do you want a little hug”
“No I dont even want to see you”
“I can take the next train so we dont have to be in the same train”
“haha no i was just kidding, I’m not that extreme”
They stood on the platform together. She looked at him and marvelled how much at ease he was. Didn’t he feel any tingling on any part of his body? Didn’t he feel any single thing tugging his heartstring? Didn’t he feel cold dark and deep like her right now? That everything was spinning, but in a dreadfully dragged speed?
She couldn’t laugh. She couldn’t cry. Her body was stiffened and her face hardened. She looked distant, with an air of terrible melancholy engulfing her tiny vulnerable figure.
“I’m going to go to a Korean restaurant with a friend”
“Korean food is really good. Omg so good. I love it”
She heard herself speaking. Her voice sounded almost foreign to herself. She felt like a ghost staring and screaming at her real body chatting heartily.
And that moment she knew she was shattered. Shattered to million pieces as her soul escaped her body. She felt more real floating somewhere away from that body next to the guy who just brushed her off his sleeve like a dandellion bluff.
“I will be in black tomorrow. For a while. To mourn the death of myself”.