Finally I had my free fall

Literally.

On my way back home, I was hit by a motorbike. I could hear it roaring behind me and in the next instant I flew off my bike and landed like a potato on the street. My spec was thrown 1 metre away from me. I stood up and checked my body to see a hole on my trouser’s knee. It was long since the last time I had such a bad laceration on my knee. Poor my bike. It was quite badly damaged.

Anyway, the whole thing made me feel like shit. My dad rode me back home after talking to the guys who owned the crazy motorbike. I curled up on my parent’s bed, arms hugging knees. And my cheeks were wet with tears.

That was when my mind was flooded with all the ludicrously pessimistic things.

My mom had to take leave from work to go back home and take care of me. The sight of my mom in the house made me feel so relieved. So anchored. So un-lonely.

I smsed you. And started making a fuss about you not understanding my situation. I was unreasonable. Who am I to be angry at you?And I should have told you how cheered up I felt when I received your letter instead of whining to you like a spoiled kid. My mind was in distress so I could not think straight. And I cried again when I read what you wrote. “Being able to be with the ones you loved”. I almost lost the chance this morning but I know my decisions somehow always lead me somewhere else away from my loved ones. Sometimes it’s not up to us decide, right? It is beyond my capablities. Your wish made me die a little inside. Why am I so paranoid?

Reading the letter again. My feelings are in chaos.

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